I won’t ask you the ubiquitous ‘how are you?’ question because I know the answer already. You’re fine. And I’m fine as well, thanks. Now stop for a second and think about how many times you have given and received this answer. I’d say a great deal too many. It seems that we’re all fine.
Your family is fine. Forget about that debt, they’re ok. Your friends in fucked up marriages, broken relationships and highly stressful low paid jobs, they’re all fine, nobody has any trouble at all. The people you meet on the street and the lady in the store, they’re all ok as well. Just ask them. Go ahead. Your best friend who’s spiraling downhill so fast into that dark corner of her mind, the one where nobody ever wants to be, she’s fine as well. Her Insta story shows that, so she must be fine. Somehow.
Somehow we’re all fine.
We’re all having the times of our lives, we’re flower power and kicking ass. Take a look on Facebook and Twitter, on YouTube and Instagram if you don’t believe me. See? I told you. Bad news: you’re the only most fucked up person on Earth. Everybody else is feeling wonderful and living perfect lives, with only top moments and amazing life stories worth mentioning. We’re doing so well that we chat on our phones when we meet for a drink, we take our dogs for a walk instead of that loved one who’s not around anymore, we install and uninstall Tinder every two weeks, share tons of positive quotes on Facebook and take lots of selfies in bad-ass places just to prove that we are fine.
But are we?
Well, shit. No. We’re not. We’re fucked up. We’re fucked up because of Facebook and Youtube and Instagram and all the great stories and awesome selfies and because of everything that keeps us all apart, untrue and untuned to our real feelings and unfulfilled needs. We’re fucked up because of all this manic positivity and greatness shared everywhere that we’ve gotten fearful of letting our friends and dear ones and other people know that we’re in fact not doing ok.
We’re not fine at all. We’re fucking lonely. And we don’t talk about it. We’re trying to look our happiest, most positive and friendliest versions of ourselves, we’re bragging about how fine we are, but if you leave your phone down for a second and take a good look around you, you’ll start to see the opposite. Yet there’s good news: we’re all fucked up. Good not because we’re fucked up, but because you’re not the only one. Just stop for a second and pay attention to yourself and to the people around you and you’ll understand what I mean by that.
Fuck it, I bet you’ve already noticed. We’re lying to ourselves and to those around us. But how many times have we talked about it? How many times have we told our friends and family about what we really feel like? How many times have we tried to say something and nobody had time to listen because they were too damn fine to hear about our less positive broken-unicorn side?
So now we’re just… fine. Whenever someone asks us, we’re all fine by default. We’re all fine because of the fear of not being listened and accepted. We’re all fine because everybody else seems to be fine.
I know I’ve had those moments and I’m sure you’ve had them too. I know I’ve been afraid to be true and I know how it feels when nobody wants to listen. I know how it feels when they turn their backs and walk away. I’ve also been on the other side as well. I’ve been that somebody to turn his back and walk away.
But when and how have we gotten here?
That I don’t know. It’s behind my comprehension. And I can’t blame technology either because technology by itself can’t be bad. What I know instead, is that there’s still hope. We can still repair our broken unicorns and let our human side shine again.
So next time, tell them you’re not fine. Talk about your pain and about your bad moment. More, stop for a few minutes and listen to someone else’s bad moment. Share those bad moments with your friends and show others that being human comes at times with less than fine moments, with vulnerabilities and pain, with sadness and mistakes.
Let’s make this world better, one bad moment at a time.